Stress Test.

So right now, I'll admit I'm going through a lot of stuff both physically and emotionally. I mean just this last May I broke my ankle on the inside and out and I was unable to walk for three months and now walking on it feels weird. Right now my girlfriend (yes I'm a lesbian, deal with it) and I are going through a rough patch. And while all this is going on, all I want to do is eat. I wish when I am put under a lot of stress that all I want to do is work out. I want to work out longer and harder. That's my goal. Right now I have two screws and a metal plate in my ankle to support the bone but when I run I feel like a robot. My ankle doesn't bend all the way anymore and because of the whole "CHI and Blue Cross Blue Shield" conundrum I had to stop going to physical therapy to help it heal. 

Not going to lie, I just ate my weight in Taco Bell. I honestly feel like throwing up. Stress sucks. I think tonight I'm going to try running in my new shoes. Run from my weight, my job, my finances, my girlfriend problems. I just want to run away from it all and never look back. Unfortunately the trail that I'm running on goes in a circle so eventually I'll have to deal with all of them. Is this what being an adult is like?? Is this the world I have to live in the rest of my life?? I need to change it. Now!!

You know I saw this one quote and I apologize I don't know who it's from but it said "You are not fat. You have fat. You have fingernails but you are not fingernails." So let me rephrase my statement. "I am not stressed. I have stress." I just need to be like Queen Elsa and let it go! That's what I'm going to do tonight my weight loss friends. I'm going to go running, to get rid of this stress I'm carrying for no good reason. I have stress doesn't mean I'm letting it take control of me. 

Favoring Odds.

"May the odds be ever in your favor!" - Effie Trinket: Hunger Games. 

You know I saw this shirt that I really want and it says "Train like you've been picked for the hunger games." I want it so bad but it's a skinny shirt...made for skinny girls. I hate that. Out of all the people that need to work out, you design clothes for the fit ones. Maybe I want a really cool motivational t-shirt!! The odds are certainly not in my favor. I know that they certainly were not in my favor when it came to the genetic pool for my sister and I. My sister (who is two years older than me) has the metabolism of a cheetah, that works out three times a day and eats nothing but protein and vegetables. While I'm 300 pounds of 60 some percent of fat, gets light headed when she runs and eats the nutrition of a garbage disposal. 

But the thing is, it is possible to win in a losing situation. You can still when you are 20 points down. You can still pass a class even when you have a F right now. Even though I'm 300 pounds, borderline diabetic, suffering for a lot of physical restrictions I can still turn this around for me. I can be like Katniss Everdeen and make the odds be in my favor. I am going to train hard, like I've been picked for the Hunger Games. 

Yesterday was a good day for me. I was able to walk four miles (to and from the grocery store) and I felt great. If the ground wasn't uneven and I wasn't carrying a package I would have jogged it. I felt empowered, I felt unstoppable, my legs however, felt other wise. Like I had just done squats for two hours. I would do it again though. I need to get back in my routine of jogging now that I have the shoes for it. Let's get back out there and let's do it!! Let's for the odds to be in our favor!! 

300 pounds.

I am fat. I know that the first step to getting over a problem is to admitting that you have one. I love food and I hate running. I am 23 years old and I weigh 300 pounds. I am fat. I must stop making excuses for myself: "it's all muscle weight" or "I'm just big boned." No. I am fat. Enough with the excuses and the reasons why I am like this. The truth is I did this to myself. I ate like shit now I look like shit. I didn't get fat because I ate fruits and veggies, I didn't get fat because I pushed myself to workout everyday. No I got fat because I ate fatty foods with little to no exercise. My BMI is embarrassing, I am like the 40% and greater fat percentile, that means I'm SUPER obese. 

But I didn't invent this blog to complain that I'm fat. I started this blog because I'm ready to get off this road of fast food and couch crashing. This is my journey and your journey. It's hard, I've done this before and failed, that's why I started the blog. We can take this journey together and make it work this time. So it starts today: this is my decoration! I am sick of being 23 at 300 pounds. I am sick of living my life like the stereotypical fat-ass American. I want to live like no one else so later, I can live like no one else. I want to be healthy for my children and live longer than others. So this is where my journey begins: Chapter1 - 300 pounds.